When all of this is over…

When all of this is over and we reach the other side

How will it be and what will we be?

Perhaps we will see a new world, refreshed and revived?

But ah…. how long do we wait for that spring to arrive?

I wake up every day with hope of a new light to shine

But for days now it has been perpetual twilight, the Sun doesn’t  rise.

As if happiness and the happenings are walking on two non-intersecting lines

But hope keeps tugging, it never dies.

Sitting in the comfort of my home staring out the bay window

Something I would have yearned otherwise

I long a long hike and sunburns that I can’t hide

I ache to touch the wet sand on the sea side.

Amongst the chaos of the old town on a windy day

I want to step in the cozy café and sit in a corner with my latte

Go on a long drive for a weekend getaway

How I wish to go camping or lakeside picnic date.

Let this all end, let the Sun rise
The night has been so dark, let the new light shine
When all of this is over…

I want a chance to live once more

I want to hold my dear ones closer …

And create new memories to cherish some more.

--------
05/15/2020
 After 65 days of shelter-in-place :(

आधी ज़िंदगी ....

कुछ सीखने सिखाने में, थोड़ी खोने और पाने में

कभी पाना क्या है उसकी जुगत लगाने में

कभी झूट के ढेर में से सच को बाहर लाने में

कभी खुद से ही उस सच को झुटलाने में

ज़िंदगी आधी बीत गयी पल पल का गणित लगाने में

बेमतलब की बातों पे यूँ ही रूठ जाने में

कभी रूठे हुए को मानने में

अपनों की हर छोटी बड़ी ग़लतियाँ दिखा कर दिल दुखाने में

और गैरों के सामने मुस्कुराहट छुपा कर उनका दिल बहलाने में

ज़िंदगी आधी बीत गयी इन रिश्तों के ताने बाने में

आज किस्मत में नहीं है, सही वक़्त आएगा

और जब वो वक़्त आएगा तब देखा जाएगा

इन झूठ मूठ की बातों से अपनी कमज़ोरी छुपाने में

कमज़ोरों की भीड़ में खुद को शेर बताने में

ज़िंदगी आधी बीत गयी खुद से खुद को छुपाने में

कुछ आधी बची है जो उम्मीदों से भारी है

आँखों में सपने तो हैं पर अतीत की चादर ओदे सोई पड़ी है

बहुत कुछ है ज़हन में, कुछ ज़रूरतें और कुछ ईच्छायें हैं पाने की

आधी तो बिना सोचे समझे ना जाने कब बीत गयी

यूँ ही बीत ना जाए बाकी की, इच्छा है ज़िंदगी जी जाने की  

Unspoken

I said it,
and said it aloud,
I yelled my deepest breath out
and at the top of my voice I shout.

But Alas! All within my heart
They hit the impermeable walls
and get broken into parts.

Feelings when get molded into words,
Make sense for you,
But for others it may be absurd
Often they remain unspoken
with the fear of not being heard.

They say you speak
when your heart can hold no more
Joys or cheer, sorrow or fear,
all get spoken, distinct and clear.

I said it,
and said it aloud
But Alas! They were so unclear
They didn't even reach to their ears.
Words got molded into feelings
and dropped down as tears.

They say you speak
Whenever your heart says,
and you really need to be heard
But I say...
That you just can't speak then
Because you don't find words.

                                      ~ 29/6/2004

Just once more..

Just once more....

Let me feel that warmth

Transcending your shivering soft hands

and melting down through me,

to soften my troubled thoughts

Just once more, let me hug you

and my cheeks feel,

your damp old saree

Smelling like wet moss.

subduing my feverish body

Let me sleep in you tiny lap,

and enjoy those tales again,

which i have almost memorised by now

But not in your lovely unique way

Just once more, say it the way you say.

It's not that it mad huge difference

But I miss those tiny pampering

Which made all the difference.

Those long chit-chats in the afternoon Sun

Not that the content was important,

yet the way it was done.

Just once more, receive my call

I promise i will shout loud and clear

and wont complain that "why cant you hear"

Because i want to tell you just once more

that with every day, I am missing you much more.

Just once more....

Say those funny cuddly words,

Which once annoyed so much

But no one says it anymore..

I so miss the way you adored :(

Just once more...

I wanna hug you and tell

that life is not easy for me anymore.

Today I need that pampering as never before.

I wanna hug you and tell

that I know your dearests awaited

But what made you interpret

that we won't be needing you anymore.

Come back AMMA, come back

Just once more.

                        ~ 17/9/2010

Khwaab

Wo khwaab jo aankhon mein basar kar chuke hain,

Mere saath saath kayi saalon ka safar kar chuke hain.

Hothon pe na kabhi mil saki unhein panah

Wo aansuon ke saaye mein ghar kar chuke hain.

In aasuon ke chhalak jaane se aitraaz hai mujhe

Kahin inke aayne mein na dikh jaaye, jo ye asar kar chuke hain

Faasle bhi ab gheraane lage hain darmiyaan

 Do kadmon ka safar tha, hum wo bhi na tay kar sake hain.

Hakikat sa mahsoos karti hun inhein

Yeh kuch mujhsi hi shakal rakhne lage hain.

Jo manzar na mumkin ho sakenge kabhi

Unhein khaabon mein apna humsafar kar chuke hain.

Na samjha na sambhla,

Ek aansun aankhon se, na jaane kab beh nikla

Na chaahte the jisse kabhi batana

Zahir kar chala, ye paagal kuch aise bikhra.

Khwabon ko khwaab hi rehne do

Hum bhi kahan unhein shakle dene chale hain.

Labzon ke daayre chubhte hain inhein,

Ye meri bandh aankhon mein hi bhalein hain.

                                                       ~8/12/2012

                                                          

Wondrous Ambiguity

What it beholds, neither a glimpse nor clue

Tried stealing a look, but could not see through

In the most erratic and ever startling way,

Life will keep you on your toes, until you stay.

Whenever you are most equipped for the horrid

It may not even give a reason to be worried.

Probably it gazed your determination to be strong

And hence did not take the chance of going wrong.

Try taking it easy and going slow.

The next moment you will be struck by the hardest blow.

Probably it wants you to be strong,

It tests whether every time you are equipped to face wrong.

I am strong, strong enough to face all odds.

With my head held high, I am travelling the roads.

But every now and then, there comes a turn

Where it’s so hazy, the visibility is none.

Just be by my side in those phases of my life.

Rest I am assured, I can survive.

                                             ~8/12/2012

When I am not around................

Said or just wished, expressed or not…

You have found me beside every time you thought.

Touched or just felt or it’s the vibes you got…

I resided around whenever you sought.

You elevated with a surpassing vigor  

Me beaming at your stature so tall

Never did you feel the dearth to fear for

My hands on your shoulders wouldn’t let you fall

But will you even quiver for a moment

If ever those hands fall weak.

Will you eyes be filled with torment…

If my eyes someday stop to blink?

Will you crave for my snug..

In those sleepless nights

Will you ever miss my hug…

In those moments of plight.

When you see me no more…

Will you look around?

And when you see many more..

Will you still want me around?

                                                   16/04/2012